San Palace Hotel & Spa

Welcome to the San Palace Hotel & Spa, where luxury meets the desperate need for a good WiFi signal in Hanoi. 

This 3-star gem has it all – an outdoor swimming pool (bathing suit optional), a terrace for contemplating life’s mysteries, and a restaurant and bar for when you realize life’s mysteries are better pondered with a drink in hand. 

And just in case you’re feeling too at peace, they offer an ATM to bring you back to reality.

Need someone to pretend to care about your problems? The concierge service is at your beck and call. 

I was worried about the existential crisis that struck at 3 AM. Fear not, because this place boasts a 24-hour front desk, ready to field your most profound questions at any hour.

The rooms? Oh, they’re air-conditioned because sweating is so last season. They are equipped with an electric teapot (because who needs instant noodles without boiling water?), a fridge, a minibar (for when you realize instant noodles are not a meal), and a safety deposit box (because your existential dread is precious, and they get it). 

You’ll also find a flat-screen TV because pondering life’s mysteries is better in high definition. And yes, there’s a private bathroom with a bidet because why not?

But wait, there’s more! A continental breakfast awaits you because nothing says “good morning” like a croissant and lukewarm coffee.

If you’re feeling adventurous, explore the surroundings – Ha Noi Railway Station, St. Joseph Cathedral, and Thang Long Water Puppet Theater are all within stumbling distance. 

And for those arriving with a dramatic flair, the Noi Bai International Airport is a mere 15 miles away.

Book now because life’s too short to miss out on a hotel that gets you – existential crises. Your future self will thank you (or at least nod appreciatively).